1. Tom Brady’s Hair
Nice haircut Tom, does it come in men’s?
And the award for biggest bowl cut in the history of kitchen utensil-shaped hair cuts does to… Tom Brady, following the infinite wisdom of wife Gisele Bundchen, has decided to grow his hair, emulating the pre-pubescent Canadian pop-tart Justin Bieber right down to the sideswept fringe. Not going to lie, I actually cried when I saw this. Even Randy Moss felt inclined to tell Brady straight-up that his hair cut makes him look like a girl. Sure, taking hair styling tips from Randy Moss is like taking… well… taking hair styling tips from Randy Moss…
But in my opinion, Randy Moss seems to be more clued in to attractive male hairstyles than the world’s highest paid supermodel.
2. Brett Favre retires… LOL just kidding, he’s back
As sure as the sun will rise in the morning, Brett Favre will announce that he will not be returning next season, and then return. And 2010 did not disappoint with Favre returning for his 20th NFL season after announcing his retirement “for real”! He quits, returns, then quits again, goes back for a year, takes a break, flirts with going back, then back to quitting, and then it’s just a guessing ga- oh and he is back. It’s official, Favre has beaten every team in the NFL… And retired from half of them.
3. San Francisco 49ers are… 0-5
First of all, what sort of team moniker is a ‘49er’? Well, so you can sleep tonight, according to the ever-reliable *cough* Wikipedia: “The name “49ers” comes from the name given to the gold prospectors who arrived in Northern California around 1849 during the California Gold Rush.” Interesting, but weird nevertheless… Aside from their strange moniker, the 49ers are none from five for the first time since 1979. QB Alex Smith had a shocker of a game, and in other relevatory news water is wet and the sky is blue. But the true indication that the shit has hit the fan at the Niners was the fans booing Smith, and chanting for David Carr. Yes, the Niners’ fans are so desperate they were chanting for a washed-up has-been to take the field and save them from embarrassment.
If it’s any consolation to Mike Singleton, there’s an ex-NRL coach in Parramatta who knows what you’re going through. Feel free to call him and discuss bitchy quarterbacks/fullbacks who don’t listen to their coaches
4. “Excessive Celebration Penalty”
Yes, it is a real rule. Excessive celebrations in which a player leaves his feet or uses a prop incur a 15 yard penalty as Dallas Cowboys tight end Jason Witten was reminded the hard way in his team’s loss to the Tennessee Titans. Despite Tony Romo throwing for over 400 yards in this back-and-forth arm wrestle with the Titans, the Cowboys still managed to find a way to lose it. They’re nothing if not creative.
Witten scored a touchdown to tie the match up with five minutes to go and then, in the belief that sharing is caring, handed the ball to offensive tackle Marc Colombo to spike in the end zone. After this frivolity was over, Witten and Colombo attempted a Modern Family-esque ‘sports guy chest bump’
Now Colombo is no pixie, but somehow he ended up on the ground, the Cowboys ended up with a 15 yard penalty, and the Titans ended up scoring. Yes, according to the Zebras, falling flat on your back does constitute excessive celebration. And that is a coach killer if ever I saw one.
5. Patriots Special Teams
Wow. Just wow. The Patriots’ 41-14 ass-whooping of the Miami Dolphins could potentially be the greatest Special Teams and defensive display in history (yes I am a Patriots fan…). In his 100th career win, Tom Brady threw one TD, yes ONE TOUCHDOWN in a 27 point win to make the Dolphins look like canned tuna, now that is some nice special teams/defense effort. The icing on the cake; the Patriots became the first team in NFL history to score a passing touchdown, rushing …touchdown, kickoff return touchdown, interception return touchdown, and blocked field goal return touchdown in one match. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.
2010 has been a strange year. It has been a year of unpredictability and indecisiveness.
For instance, Australia couldn’t decide on a Prime Minister, with the 2010 Federal Election resulting in a hung parliament and taking three independents over two weeks of self-indulgent speeches and empty promises to decide that Australia would be governed by our first ever female AND ranga Prime Minister.
Cameron Smith couldn’t decide which contract to sign… So he signed them all, and the Melbourne Storm were $3.17 million over the NRL salaray cap.
Then, non-AFL fans such as myself found out the hard way that the AFL cares not for getting a result in their grand finals. Instead, after three hours and with a 68-all scoreline, they decide to send 100000 fans home and ask them to come back the week after. Faced with the prospect of NEVER-ENDING-AFL should (god forbid) there be another draw, the AFL decide that in Grand Final: Take 2 there will be extra time played. In typical AFL style, the grand final rematch ended up being a collossal anti-climatic blowout, with Collingwood convincing winners over St Kilda. A lose-lose situation for AFL fans alike, and a win for Andrew Demitriou who is currently swimming in an Olympic-sized swimming pool of money.
The winner of Australia’s Next Top Muddle Model was Kelsey… LOL just kidding, it was Amanda.
Officials at the Commonwealth Games couldn’t decide who had broken at the start of the women’s 100m run so let the English runner compete under protest after originally disqualifying her, and a whopping four hours later decided to disqualify Australia’s Sally Pearson after the English team protested.
And then, this one time, I couldn’t decide whether to wear my black Havianas, or my white ones. So I wore one of each.
Sorry I’ve been AWOL for so long guys, my friend Emily and I have started a blog dedicated to NRL at In the Ruck. So ch- ch- ch- ch- check it out 🙂 (Yes that was a reference to Usher’s ‘OMG’. Well spotted). But because I am going to post an angry rant at my anonymous formspring attacker, I decided to revive this blog, rather than bring down the awesomeness of our collaborative effort.
As you may have seen if you’re following me on Twitter or on Facebook, I have recently been under attack from an anonymous, NRL-hating coward. I have included some of the questions they have asked me that I have taken as personal attacks and my fiery responses. I have left the posts exactly as they are to show you their disturbing lack of spelling/punctuation/grammar:
Q: i am sorry but u srsly need 2 get a life over NRL, everyone is over u talking about it constantly
A: Well since a large majority of my friends are also NRL fans I guess that not EVERYONE is over me talking about it constantly, so your argument is flawed.
What would you prefer me to talk about? Justin Bieber? HA!
Also, I’m sorry but you could do with a dictionary, everyone is probably over you making stupid spelling/grammatical errors. (Just a thought)
Q: at least my errors arent r thing dat every1 complains about saying omg dat louise chick is so gay, all she does is talk about football your friends r probs just talking about it because they dont want 2 hurt your feelings maybe ask them see what dey say?
A: For fuck’s sake I cannot even read this question, it took me like five tries to even comprehend what you are attempting to say.
Would you like to give me some names/evidence of people not liking what I have to say? That way I can ask them “see what dey say”… If it’s true then there shouldn’t be any problem for them to tell me to my face that they would like me to tone down on the NRL talk, rather than appoint you as anonymous representative to attack me over formspring?
Also, if people didn’t ask me questions about NRL then I wouldn’t answer questions about NRL. So obviously some people are interested since they go out of my way to ask me these questions and read my blog. And I generally thought ‘gay’ meant homosexual, defined as “romantic or sexual attraction or behavior among members of the same sex”. So my love for hot football players isn’t exactly ‘gay’ is it?
Oh and by the way, you see that key between the ‘Y’ and ‘R’? That is called ‘T’ and maybe you should learn to use it… It’s really not that hard to type ‘that’ or ‘they’ instead of ‘dat’ and ‘dey’.
Q: can you shut up for like a second on nrl
Can you stop being a prick and posting anonymous bitchy questions on my formspring for like a second?
Q: no i wont stop being a prick and posting anonymous bitchy questions! You annoy the shit out of me with your nrl clogging my newsfeed and twitter account. get a fkn life
A: Well then you don’t have to follow me on twitter if it’s clogging your precious feed up. Would you rather me post about Justin Bieber or something stupid like that?
If it’s so annoying why not have the courage to tell me to my face or at least tell me who you are so I know who to not talk about NRL with again. Maybe you should get a life instead of hating on mine? yeah?
As you can see, not only is my hater an anonymous jerk, they also lack the ability to spell and use correct grammar and punctuation. Maybe if they had been a little more intelligent about the way they went about their anonymous bitchiness then I would find their attack a little more concerning.
What I find most offensive is not their attack on me and their attempt to make me feel bad about myself. It is their dissing of the NRL. When someone bags out the NRL, I liken it to insulting my religion, and I will not stand for it. Sure, I’ll be the first to admit I do talk excessively about NRL… But is there anything wrong with a girl supporting a sport she loves? How is this any worse than people who tweet excessively about Justin Bieber, Hamish & Andy, Gossip Girl, etc? In a society where obesity is a growing epidemic, shouldn’t one be encouraged to have an interest in a sport that involves healthy, attractive males promoting physical activity? (Granted my ‘interest’ is better described as an ‘obsession’, but the idea is still the same). I hate to sound cliche, but does it all come down to the fact that I am a girl? Is this anonymous formspring dickhead just another one of those misogynistic dickheads who think girls have no business showing any interest in football? Or could it possibly be another girl giving me a not-so-subtle hint that maybe I should pull down the NRL posters from my walls, and replace them with pictures of Twilight?
If that is the case (and I hope for their sake that it isn’t) this person has serious issues. It is interesting to note that they refuse to reveal their identity, perhaps because they know they are in the wrong? Perhaps, it is because they know that if I found out I would smack them down in a second? Or maybe, they are scared of the backlash they would receive over their absolute ignorance.
The NRL, in fact, hold a Women in League Program in order to recognise and reward the importance of women in the game. It is to raise awareness of the significant roles women hold in Rugby League and their important contributions to the code in Australia. As NRL CEO David Gallop said:
“The Harvey Norman Women in League Round is a celebration of the role women play in Rugby League and also a chance for us to say thank you to the many women who help build the foundations of our game”
This coming round, starting the 25th of June, will be the fourth annual Women in League Round. As the NRL continues in their attempt to encourage women to take a greater standing within the rugby league community, maybe we should all put our differences aside and realise that there is nothing wrong with a girl interested in NRL. In fact as one facebook group was so kind to point out “There is nothing hotter than a girl who likes NRL”.
Anyone who thinks otherwise… the 1950s called; they want their attitude back.
To find out more about what your team is doing for the 2010 Women in League round, go here
Feel free to leave a comment, or if you’re a cowardly pussy you can feel free to go here and tell me what you think.
“I’m not happy with what I saw when I looked back at the tape of me addressing the referee,” – Johnathan Thurston (via FoxSports)
Neither are we JT, neither are we. You cannot fathom the immensity of my disappointment with the NRL Judiciary’s failure to hand down any sort of punishment for his outburst at referee Jason Robinson. Even if they decided not to suspend him, surely a fine would’ve been in order? The players need to be shown that they cannot address the referees and match officials with this sort of disrespect without suffering the consequences for their actions.
This failure on the NRL Judiciary’s part to act sets an awful precedent for future cases, and begs the question, why wasn’t he punished? His outburst didn’t even warrant a penalty, even though not five minutes later Matt Cross’s exclamation of “This is f**cking bulls**t” saw him penalised. Is this a severe case of double standards? Is it because JT is the captain that it’s alright for him to question/abuse the referees to his heart’s content?
As Steve Dean said:
“The level of what a sports star can get away with is directly proportionate to their fame… As such eight F-bombs and a “you should be the man of the match” are perfectly acceptable.” – Thurston is too famous to be punished
This reeks of an awful double standard, and may make it extremely difficult for the referees to retain any sense of control in a match, after all, if Johnathan Thurston can drop the F-bomb eight times and not be punished, what is there to stop anyone else doing it?
Warrior’s Skipper Micheal Luck summed it up perfectly:
“Anyone who sprays the ref can go back to that incident and say, ‘Well, Thurston didn’t even get penalised, why am I at the judiciary?’ – Via the Daily Telegraph
Apparently since it is OK for there to be swearing on Underbelly, then JT’s expletive laden rant doesn’t bring the game into disrepute. Ummmm NEWSFLASH Colin White, he’s not on an M-Rated television program about the gangland wars, he’s playing a ‘family-friendly’ sport in which children look up to you as a role model and an example. Since it is OK for characters on Underbelly to go around shooting and bashing the living daylights out of one another, is it also acceptable to do that? As one member of the Sunday Roast panel said “I don’t sit down and watch Underbelly with my seven year old son, I sit down and watch the football”
Mark my words, a dangerous precedent has been set here, and you can expect the repurcussions to be far reaching.
What do you tell the kid playing for his local footy team who decides to let one slip when a call goes against his team? It’s alright for Johnathan Thurston to talk like that, but you’re going to be sent off anyway.
Accoriding to the Code of Conduct of my local junior rugby league team The Hills Bulls:
“No person attending a match controlled by the League shall:”
“(a) Use offensive or obscene language to any player, referee, touch judge, official, or another spectator”
“(c) Dispute the decision of a referee or touch judge“
“(e) Behave in any way contrary to the game“
So, while it is against the rules for these kids to dispute a referees decision, it is alright for an NRL player to throw a tantrum and quite frankly carry on like a moody teenager who doesn’t get their own way? Definitely not. The Australian Rugby League ‘Laws of the Game and Notes on the Laws’ specifically states:
“1. A player is guilty of misconduct if he:
(f) Uses offensive or obscene language
(g) Disputes the decision of a Referee or Touch Judge
(i) Behaves in any way contrary to the true spirit of the game
It then goes on to say (admittedly underneath ‘explain reason for a penalty’ but the idea is the same):
“A player may ask the Referee the reason why a penalty kick has been given provided he does so respectfully“
AND furthermore it says in ‘Verbal abuse/foul language’:
“THE USE OF OBSCENE EXPLETIVES, THREATENING OR DENIGRATING WORDS IS NOT PERMITTED“
“Verbal abuse, obscene language and sledging, including comments or words that threaten or denigrate an opponent, referee or supporter is an infringement“
So apparently it is an infringement, and as such, shouldn’t he have been punished?
If I were Andrew Johns who said to touch judge Matt Cecchin “f**k you c**t” and was subsequently suspended for two weeks, or Ricky Stuart who lost his job as Australian coach for calling Ashley Klein a “f**king cheat” I’d be pretty pissed off right about now. Even Manly coach Des Hasler was facing a $10000 fine for saying touch judges Jeff Younis and Gavin Reynolds could do with an eye test at OPSM. Why is it that coaches can get fined for saying that the referees are doing a crappy job, but Johnathan Thurston can tell a referee that he deserves man of the match without any action being taken against him?
The NRL has the power to fine individuals for making disapproving remarks about match officials, unless said individual is Johnathan Thurston.
As my ‘loyal’ twitter and formspring peeps would be aware, I am currently at war with Phil ‘Buzz’ Rothfield from the Daily Telegraph following his ’50 Greatest Origin Players of All Time’ article. The reason for my anger stems from the fact that Jarryd ‘Jayne’ Hayne and Israel Folau were chosen and (I hope you’re sitting down) Ryan. Girdler. Was. Not. Make sense? I don’t think so either.
The reason I have taken Ryan’s omission from the list so personally is that he was my first ever crush. I’m not even joking, I think I was 10 years old and I remember thinking that Ryan Girdler was the cutest thing ever. (A girl never forgets her first crush). So imagine my disgust when I see the headline on the back page of the newspaper and eagerly flick to the article… And to my horror, not only is there no Ryan Girdler, there’s a friggin’ half page photo of JARRYD HAYNE! To give you an indication of my reaction… I was in the shower, on the oppostite side of the house to the living room and could hear my Dad yelling about this very issue. My reaction was worse than his.
I actually sent Phil Rothfield some angry tweets detailing my extreme anger and this is how it went down:
Me: How the hell is Jarryd Hayne in the ‘Top 50 Greatest Origin Players’ and Ryan Girdler isn’t? You are kidding yourself @PhilRothfield
Phil: @louiiseee_ Best thing girdler ever did for #NRL was retire
Me: @PhilRothfield What about Girdler scoring 52 points in 2000. Wasn’t that the most ever for a player in one series? What has Hayne done in origin to even slightly resemble that?
And then he never got back to me.
So Phil, if you are reading this, here are my thoughts on why Ryan Girdler is greater than Jayne and should be included as one of the greatest Origin players of ALL TIME. EVER. IN HISTORY.
- He scored 52 points in the 2000 origin series. The most that ANY player has EVER scored in one series
- That same year he also equalled Dally Messenger’s record (1911) for most points in a state of origin game (32), making a bigger impact on the match than Messenger had as he scored 3/9 of his teams tries, while Messenger scored 4 (worth 3-points each)in his teams 15 try run-in.
- He scored the fastest ever try after just 39secs in game three of the 2001 series
- Scored the most goals in one Origin match during the 2000 series kicking 10/10
- Scored the most goals in an Origin series, with 16 goals in 2000
- Shares the record for most tries in one series (5 in 2000) with Lote Tuqiri (5 in 2002)
While Hayne’s performance in the 2009 series (albeit in a losing team) was nothing short of spectacular, the fact remains that he has not produced the same level of performance as Ryan Girdler has. Sure, in years to come he may well earn his spot in the ‘Greatest Origin Players of All Time’ but it is too early in his representative career to have him in there now. Maybe when hhe actually runs the ball forward rather than throwing it over the sideline, he’ll be on his way there…
Thoughts? Feel free to either leave a comment, or formspring me anonymously if you feel like shit-stirring 🙂
24 – 6
I’m so sorry, but I could not resist making that. I am seriously laughing so much at this picture, sometimes I am so damn funny. And awesome too.
Speaking of things that are awesome, how ’bout that ride in the Manly vs. Dragons match. How about it aye? Words cannot express the emotional rollercoaster that match put me through. It had everything! Wolfman & Brett in suits, Trent getting “bashed in the berries” (thanks for that one Fox commentators), and T-Rex actually doing something right and then not stuffing up. Although in order to set the universe right again, it is inevitable that he will. And because he scored not one, not two, but three tries, it will probably be something huge like pooing in a hotel corridor, glassing his girlfriend, or breaching the salary cap by $1.7 million over five years.
I would also like to point out that I am no longer the only person in Australia the WORLD who recognises the outstanding talent (and looks) of my Manly babies. Apparently so do the representative team selectors. Boo yah! Eight, yes eight of my boys backed up from the Australia/New Zealand test and the City/Country matches to not only defeat the Dragons (who, might I add, only had five players backing up), but to also resurrect any sort of hope my fantasy league team had of getting any points. (Just quietly, I am going to be totally screwed when Manly has a bye because half my team is made up of them.)
Wolfman and Brett in SUITS!
In case you haven’t notice I am kinda, sorta, maybe, just a little bit obsessed/in love with Wolfman and Brett. In fact, I am 99.9% certain that Brett was my second ever crush… behind Ryan Girdler. But hey, who didn’t have a crush on Girds? He had it going on for the three ‘G’s’: Girls, Gays, and Grandmas. Plus, I was only like ten at the time (my love for NRL started at a young age k?), so Brett was my first real crush.
As for Wolfman, words escape me. I could not love a human baby more than I love this man. Not only is he a manly legend/cult hero and one of the hottest men I have ever laid eyes on (not going to deny, he has been my phone wallpaper many a time), but I just know that if we met we would totally get along like a house on fire.
(I was actually going to list the things that, in my mind, mean David and I would be total besties, but I got to ten and started to sound like a major stalker so I decided against it)
I will however, say this. Some Year 11s (and you may notice I tend to hate on the year 11s at my school a bit, you can expect a post about it later) told me they didn’t think he was hot. If you know any other 17 year old female manly fans with eyes, the one thing you should never, under any circumstances, tell them you don’t think one of their players is hot. Seriously, just don’t. Anywayz, my point is that they thought his beard was *shudders* ugly. Wtf? Do men with ‘ugly’ beards have facebook groups dedicated to their crotch? (Saint David’s Crotch Appreciation) I don’t think so. And would I, whenever I go for my training runs, purposely run past the house belonging to the parents of a man with an ‘ugly’ beard? I say no. (Yes I do always run past his parents’ house… I figure the law of averages says his has to be there one day…. Doesn’t he?)
Trent Hodkinson; We Feel Your Pain
Yeah, I struggle to find the words to describe this incident at the beginning of the second half.
Let’s recap shall we.
3 or so minutes into the second half, I notice that ‘OMFG WHERE IS TRENT BABY?!?!’ Because I do tend to keep my eye on my hotties in case of emergencies such as this one. (Like this one toyota cup match, it took me five minutes to realise Manly had scored a try and kicked a succesful conversion because I was watching one extremely hot guy limp off the field with an injured knee, but I digress…) I literally started crying actual tears when I realised that “Hodkinson is down in back play” because he plays for manly, he’s hot, and he is an integral part of my fantasy league team. My beautiful boys were trying desperately to get the refs to call time out. When they finally succeeded in doing this, they cut to Trent baby rolling around in absolute agony. On the emotional rollercoaster that night, this was definitly the part where the ride is corkscrewing around in a circle and you are trying desperately not to throw up the dagwood dog you just ate onto the person next to you. It was a low point. Then, the question of “WTF HAPPENED? SHITTTTTT! TRENT BABY ARE YOU OK?” is finally answered:
At first I laughed. Then I winced in pain. And then I cried just a little bit more for my future offspring *sniff* they never even had a chance 😦
“Looks like he won’t be chasing any cougars for a while” – @fakebrycegibbs
Did I mention Tony Williams didn’t screw up?
SUCK IT DRAGONS 😛
Woooooot! What time is it? Time to get a watch? Time to get a new joke? No. It is officially rant-o’clock. And it’s Louise vs. the World in a world first installment of Louise vs… And every “Louise vs…” will be accompanied by a picture of me not looking happy jan. This week I get my bitch on against Parramatta.
As I mentioned in my previous post I go to school in the middle of Parramatta, and just in case I didn’t make it clear: I HATE PARRAMATTA. With a passion. I hate everything about it; the Parramatta Eels, Parramatta Station, Parramatta buses, Parramatta Park… The word ‘Parramatta’ itself forges some deep kind of loathing that I didn’t even think was humanly possible.
The Parramatta Eels
I do not like the Parramatta Eels. I cannot even begin to describe the immense dislike I hold for this team. In fact the only time I will cheer for Parramatta is when they are playing the Melbourne Storm, and that is only because they took out Brett Stewart in the 2007 Grand final. I think my hatred of the Parramatta Eels can be attributed to:
- The Hayne Train: No. Just no. If I read one more thing about the Hayne Train in the newspapers or while watching the footy everytime he so much as touches the football I will slap a bitch down. (Unless the word derailed is mentioned as well, in which case it is perfectly fine)
- Jarryd Hayne in general: I’m sorry to any Parramatta fans who may be reading this, but he is by far the most over exposed player in the history of over exposed players. The only time he even becomes remotely likeable is when he is playing State of Origin for NSW… and even then it pains me to cheer for him. I mean sure he is a pretty good player, but in my opinion he doesn’t live up to all the histeria surrounding him (and I would know because he is in my fantasy league team)
- Parramatta fans: Ok, I lie, I don’t hate Parramatta because of the fans, but I do hate the fans because of Parramatta. Now don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends are Parramatta fans… Yet some people don’t know where the line between the love of one’s team and just being an annoying prick is drawn. I am sick of my facebook newsfeed being inundated with hundreds of groups dedicated to telling me that “Parramatta Eels are the Real Premiers of 2009”. No you are not. No no no no no.
Sure, Parramatta Station may not seem like a big deal, but it actually is quite scary for a young human of the female gender. Said scariness increases exponentially when you have to walk there by yourself because all your friends can’t be fucked to walk so catch a state transit bus and your bus pass only gets you on Hillsbus. (It’s a hard life).
If anyone has been to Parramatta Station, you will know that the Underbelly series has nothing on what goes on down here. It is no joke, the crime capitol of Australia… New South Wales… Sydney… Ok so it probably isn’t the crime capitol of anything, but my advice if you ever go there is:
- If you are female, particularly when wearing a private school uniform, do not under any circumstances make the 15min trek from school to the station on your own. Always walk in bunches, preferrably taking up the entire footpath & knocking people out with your bags. If, as I mentioned above, this is not possible, walk behind some buff looking guys, or if you’re really lucky a police officer will walk out of Subway and you can casually stick behind him (read: CLING FOR DEAR LIFE IF NECESSARY)
- If you happen to notice any criminal activity (and lets face it, it’s Parramatta, you will) just avert your gaze and do not draw any attention to it. In my 5 and a half years of walking to Parramatta Station and waiting for my bus there I have seen my fair share of ‘unpleasantness’ and I will admit one particular incident did have me crying with a police officer, but I have survived nevertheless
- Never, ever, ever give your money to the guy that sleeps at the bus stop.
- Have the Parramatta Police Station on speed dial like I do. Although everyone knows that Parramatta is so dodgy you are guaranteed to see a dozen or so police officers on any given day. Today alone I saw one K9 car, one cage truck, two police on bicycles, and two just walking around the streets.
Do not associate with people who look like this ↓ They will take your money and maybe subject you to some hektik gabbering. Ew.
I generally spend a good two hours at Parramatta Park every Saturday morning doing my triathlon training, and while there is nothing wrong with Parramatta Park itself (besides the fact that it is in Parramatta), there are a few things about Parramatta Park that get on my nerves and I feel the need to rant about.
Usually my rants are about the stupid people who push their prams in the cycle lane! Or who walk three or more abreast in the cycle lane. In other words, PEOPLE WALKING IN THE CYCLE LANE! There is a special place in hell reserved for people who do this, and it is one of my pet peeves. All too many a time I have been forced to come to a complete stop on my bike (which is quite a challenge when travelling at over 30km/h), get in the way of other, much faster, and usually male cyclists in my attempt to overtake these imbociles, or ride in the car lane which just freaks the shizz outta me.
NEWSFLASH to people using Parramatta Park: There are three lanes. A Pedestrian lane. A Cycle lane. A Car lane. Please use the appropriate one. kthanks.
I also like to rant about the men who run in suits. I am not even joking, every Saturday morning without fail I ride past a little old man wearing a full suit (including shoes). And by suit, I don’t mean trisuit, I don’t even mean birthday suit.. I mean business suit
And this brings my ‘little‘ rant to an end. Of course there will be plenty more to come, and the fact that I live in Parramatta means you can expect to see a ‘Louise vs Parramatta continued’ in the not-to-distant future.
But until then, feel free to vent your feelings about Parramatta, or any other city by leaving a comment. Hell you don’t even have to whinge about a place! You can whinge about anything you like, even me and my extremely prejudiced and politically incorrect blog 🙂
For an excellent account of the Melbourne Storm salary cap scandal I highly suggest visiting the Oh Errol girls.
For a pretty crappy attempt at giving my completely prejudiced anti-melbourne opinion that has been born & bred into me… Well you’ve come to the right place
I’m sure almost everyone not currently living under a rock has heard about the dirty, cheating, lying mexicans that in NRL terms are commonly called the Melbourne Storm. There have been a tonne of facebook groups dedicated to hating the Melbourne Storm, and it was even a trending topic on Twitter. I am not even joking ‘Melbourne Storm’ was actually ahead of ‘Justin Bieber’ at one stage. And you know that when an Australian Rugby League team is higher than a 16 year old Canadian singer/heartthrob/pre-pubescent boy then the shit has really hit the fan.
I am probably the last person who should be casting stones at the Melbourne Storm, I myself tend to look at rules as “guidelines” and do like to make a mockery of them as seen in my 113 Things Louise is not allowed to do at school. But I am an avid Manly supporter I like nothing better than seeing the Storm screw things up. And by screw things up I usually mean trivial things like losing matches, fumbling the ball out of dummy half, missing conversions from 10m out from the goalposts, and getting injured. But not even I, in my wildest dreams, could ever imagine them screwing up this majorly.
And yes I do have that picture glued into one of my school books. It is a very powerful motivating tool k?
But of course, the ramifications of the Storm breaking the rules is a bit more serious than me breaking my school rules. ie The worst penalty I have ever received is a detention in year 4 because I didn’t colour my title page in neatly enough, however the penalty the Melbourne Storm received is:
- $500000 fine
- $1.1million worth of sponsorship money to be repaid and split evenly between the remaining 15 teams
- Stripped of three Minor Premierships
- Stripped of 2007 & 2009 Premierships
- Stripped of 8 points accrued so far this season & will not be playing for any competition points for the remainder of the season
Then of course there is an ATO investigation, possible civil & criminal charges, dumped sponsorships from ME Bank, HostPlus, and SKINS, a handful of pissed off fans, and humiliation. And by humiliation I mean they are the butt of many new jokes, facebook groups, etc
Some of my favourite jokes include:
- What has 26 legs and can’t climb a ladder? The Melbourne Storm
- What’s the difference between a toothpick and the Melbourne Storm? A toothpick has two points (this is also a good one to use whenever the 2008 grand final is mentioned. 40 to NIL!)
- Apparently Brian Waldron will be appearing on the new Celebrity Masterchef… his specialty: cooking the books
- Underbellamy: A Tale of Two books
- Cameron Smith: “Craig, how the hell are we meant to play out the remainder of the season knowing that we won’t be getting any points?” Craig Bellamy: “I don’t know, I’ll give Ricky Stuart a call…”
And some of the Facebook groups I have seen (naturally I joined them all):
- I was also in the secret Melbourne Storm salary book
- Melbourne Storm: Salary cap FAIL
- If Melbourne didn’t cheat Parramatta would’ve found another way to lose (i love how it bags out Melbourne & Parramatta)
- At least my team can follow a salary cap
- I hate it when I forget to hide a file and my NRL club is ruined
- From a scale of 1 to the Melbourne Storm, how fucked are you?
- I bet the Sharks still find a way to win the wooden spoon…
Now I go to school in the middle of Parramatta, right across the road from Parramatta Stadium as luck would have it. Thus, the make-up of my school looks a little like this:
You see that little slice of maroon? That is me. I am clearly in the minority here and am getting a little sick of reading facebook statuses such as “ZOMG Parra are 2009 Premiers” and “wot iz dis BULL$H1T bro? da eelz $hud b da 2009 premierz”. I cannot believe how many people seem to think that the 2007 & 2009 Premierships should be handed to Manly & Parramatta respectively. Granted, these are the same people who follow the ‘Hayne Train’ and fail to see the similarities between their beloved Jarryd Hayne & Rihanna.
I honestly think that David Gallop is 1000000% correct for not awarding these Premierships to the runners up, and this is not just my hatred of Parramatta talking because I also agree in not awarding the Premiership to Manly. A lot of people have used the argument that in a race, if the winner is discovered to have cheated and are consequently stripped of their medal then the person who came second is promoted to first place. I die a little bit inside when people say this to me. The race analogy can not be applied to the NRL in any way, shape, or form because:
- A race is a race, and an NRL finals series is an NRL finals series. I hate to sound cliche but it really is like comparing chalk and cheese. In a race there is a distinct first, second, third, etc and they are all in the race together & therefore all had the chance to contest the gold medal & thus to win. This is completely different to a knock-out finals series and I cannot emphasise this point enough.
- What about the team that Melbourne beat to get into the grand final? If they had played against the Eels last year the Eels still might’ve lost. And then there’s the team that misses out on the top 8 either by 2 points or on for-and-against and could’ve made the grand final had they not lost to the Storm. There are just too many, ‘variables’ I suppose you could say, to fairly hand the Premierships to the runners up
So there you have it, my two cents worth on the Storm’s salary cap scandal. And for good measure, a picture of Billy Slater not looking happy.
I’m back guys!
I have officially resurrected the awesomeness that is my blog to provide anyone who may bother reading this with a few minutes worth of distraction from whatever you are meant to be doing.
I apologise to anyone who went through sleepless nights wondering “why oh why has Louise not blogged recently?” And I have already prepared my excuses:
- I have commitment issues. Like all things that I come to enjoy, I got tired of writing this blog.
- I am in year 12 and doing seriously hard subjects and I do enough creative writing/bullshitting in English that it more than made up for my lack of blogging
- I forgot my password
See how good my excuses are? You should see me at school;
- “Sorry I’m late… I missed my bus” (probably not a good idea if you’re late to a class after lunch)
- “Sorry I’m late… The staircase moved and I had to come via the dungeons”
Speaking of school, I have got almost all my half yearly exams back. Just waiting on 1 Unit Studies of Religion (Don’t judge me guys, it’s compulsory at my school) and I am actually pleasantly surprised with my results so far.
So being the awesome person I am (hence the blog title “Louise is Awesome”) I came up with a few handy hints, my Secrets to Success if you will, for anyone who wants to own their HSC.
Quality not Quantity
The platinum rule of exam studying. I know most parents/teachers/peers say that you have to spend hours a night studying, but truth be told I never have and I never will. I am a person who gets easily distracted. I spend hours on Facebook, Twitter, the Gods of Football, staring at blank walls, ANYTHING to procrastinate from studying.
Now don’t get me wrong. It is definitly important to dedicate time to studying, and deactiivating your facebook account wouldn’t hurt. But quality of study pwns over quantity. Overall, is there any point in slaving away for 5 hours a night and staying up until the wee hours of the morning, on something that is going to get you nowhere? I say no.
Make your notes interesting
I am an expert at this.
I would tell you, but I would rather show you… through interpretive dance PICTURES!
Here are a few of my faves
So there you go, just a few simple hints for owning the HSC.
They say that NRL Fans are the most annoying people. Here are the reasons why;
Now that the season has come to an end and we have 142 days of nothing to do on friday nights, saturday nights, sunday afternoons, and monday nights but countdown until the next season, I have made the following observations about NRL supporters from different clubs…
BEWARE! EXTREME PREJUDICE AHEAD!
Canterbury Bulldogs Fans – Keeping the poilce force employed
Most likely to:
- Have visited a Hungry Jacks or McDonalds in the past month, and are in fact likely to work at afore mentioned fast food outlet.
- Be caught doing something stupid. This has resulted in a large number of criminal records among Bulldogs fans, and what is likely to be the highest number of AVOs taken out against their fans than any other NRL club.
- Use violence to solve their problems. Likewise, they are the most likely to have been in jail.
- Hate that traitor ‘Dunny’ Bill Williams
- Tork lyk dis bro and get their “cuzins onto ya”
- Own a crowbar
Brisbane Broncos Fans – Thinking XXXX is real beer
Most likely to:
- Have achieved a level of education no higher than primary school
- Have drunk low-alcohol or mid-strength beer in the past month
- 99.99% more likely to be a cane-toad licking Queenslander
- Follow the Denver Broncos because they totally copied their moniker although they don’t admit it
- Think XXXX is real beer and bash up anyone who tells them otherwise
- 36127% more likely to support Queensland in the State of Origin
- Belt the living daylights out of anyone who refers to them as the ‘ponies’
- Actually believe that Greg Inglis should play for Queensland in the State of Origin and be oblivious to the fact that Bowraville is in NEW SOUTH WALES you cheats!
North Queensland Cowboys Fans – Bending the bananas
Most likely to:
- Think a Cowboy is actually cool, because they most probably are one
- Believe its just a coincidence they have the same moniker as the Dallas Cowboys and to totally watch the superbowl because they have some striking similarities to texans
- Be thankful they werent name the North Queensland Crocodiles
- Have had a colonoscopy by john hopoate
- Use the phrase “Yeeeha!” or wear spurs on their boots
- Ride a horse to their home games rather than drive
- 82009% more likely to be a Queenslander and 678% more likely to support Queensland in the State of Origin
- Say “I’m not very good with mechanical thingymabobs” unless they are referring to a mechanical bull
- Drive a toyota, with a cattle dog in the back.
- Wish their home stadium had a better name than ‘Dairy Farmers’… what about the cattle farmers?
Parramatta Eels Fans – Denying the fact they are bottom feeders
Most likely to:
- hate Manly for no reason other than the fact they’re generally richer than the parramatta fans
- Watch a finals series than be involved in one
- Have a mullet or some other shocking hairstyle… obviously taking styling tips from the king of hair do’s himself; nathan hindmarsh
- Pronouce ‘th’ as ‘f’ eg. nafan hindmarsh & eric grofe
- Follow a trend, join a ‘bandwagon’ or ‘train’, and not openly support their team unless they are in the top eight
- Think that Daniel Mortimer is the Zac Efron of Rugby League
- Live in a fibro house
St George Illawarra Dragons Fans – Ironically melting away
Most likely to:
- Know the heimlich manouvere because their team always chokes.
- Want a home ground advantage, despite the fact that the only thing that could ever salvage their finals hopes is the other team forfeiting. Playing at kogarah is not likely to help them one little bit
- Be forced to wear a pink shirt to work because the red ran into their whites in the washing machine
- Stop watching the footy around september. when their team starts melting. like snow.
- Be Roman Catholic and aged over 50
- Have a St George Bank Account
Newcastle Knights Fans – More mine than shine
Most likely to:
- View ‘joey’ johns as a legend even though he admitted to using Ecstasy
- Be a coal miner
- Say ‘I’m on the compo, mate’, ‘ I’ve done me back’, or ‘F**k it, I’m off to the pokies.’
- Think that purple is a stupid colour because red and blue should not be combined unless they are on a jersey
- Want their own leagues club so they can play the pokies
- Dress eccentrically
Penrith Panthers Fans – Living in the ‘Riff
Most likely to:
- Be a self-proclaimed bogan, yuppie, yobbo, or westie
- 9999999.99% more likely to own a ‘flanno’
- Have a mullet
- Not actually be scared of going to the ‘Riff, and are unashamed of the fact that it is called the ‘Riff
- Refer to their own team as the panfers
- Have a beer gut and eat meat pies on a regular basis because they dont give a damn about the calorie and fat content of their food ‘so long as it tastes good’
- Be islander
- Eat Krispy Kremes
South Sydney Rabbitohs Fans – Rioting in the Rabbit ‘Oles
Most likely to:
- Be involved in a riot. Their percentage chances of their involvement in said riot increases ten-fold if the riot is in redfern
- Hate Russel Crowe and boycot his movies. Although who can blame them?
- Wish they’d been named after a more vicious animal
- Be unaware of the fact they arent actually named after cute, cuddly bunnies, but actually after men who skinned and sold rabbits on the streets as a source of income.
- See their team get the wooden spoon, or at least be expected to and still remain blood loyal
- Hope their team is never kicked out again, and if they are, they still seem to be proud of being Rabbitohs supporters 😐
- Identify themselves as Rabbitohs supporters through Bumper Stickers, Caps, and South Sydney Jerseys even during the off season
- Hate the roosters, except when they are at the bottom of the ladder, because in that case they are thanking their lucky stars they’re not the wooden spooners. again.
Sydney Roosters Fans – Living it up in the Eastern Suburbs
Most likely to:
- Drink cappacinos, frappes, and lattes
- Have a silver spoon shoved in their mouth, or somewhere else. particularly where the sun dont shine
- Generally be recognised as ‘observers’ rather than supporters
- Lobby the NRL to raise the salary cap, because they know they can afford it
- Be thankful they are the ‘Roosters’ and not the ‘Chickens’
- not feel like chicken tonight
- Envy Manly for being known as the silvertails, the Roosters are working so hard for that title
- Judge a person by the type of car they drive
- Insist they have always loved willie mason and braith anasta
- Spend a day at Bondi and believe that it is actually a good beach
Melbourne Storm Fans – Regularly outnumbered by their players
Most likely to:
- Watch the AFL, and openly admit to doing so
- Be feminine and have no qualms about wearing the colour purple
- List Tinky Winky as their favourite tellytubby despite the fact he is clearly gay
- Be unable to recognise or name any of their players
- Watch an AFL match than an NRL match
- Support Queensland in the State of Origin because their team consists of 68% of the Queensland State of Origin team
- Refrain from making comments about Billy Slater’s permanent hat hair and the fact that is is obviously not human. How can any man be so annoying?
- Take moisturising tips from the vainest NRL player out; Billy ‘the kid (with hat hair and no neck)’ Slaterrrrrrrr!
- 177% more likely to be from Melbourne
- Complain about the referees
- Hate Manly because they embarrassed them in front of all of Australia. in the Grand Final
- Have nightmares about toothpicks. Because they’re insanely jealous of the fact that toothpicks have two points
Canberra Raiders Fans – Basking in the glory of the Nation’s Capitol
Most likely to:
- Have a number plate starting with ‘Y’
- Think they’re better than everyone else because they are from Canberra
- Brave freezing conditions to watch their team play
- Use the words “lean”, “green”, “mean”, and “machine” in the same sentence
- Know what the f**k a raider is
- Support the Brumbies union team
- 963214785% more likely to fly under the radar so no one really knows anyone about them
Manly Sea Eagles Fans – Enjoying the tall poppy syndrome
Most likely to:
- Be extremely good looking 🙂
- Use the words “pride” and “tradition” when defending their home ground
- Nickname their players after animals, ie. wolfman, snake, ox
- Never travel to an away game. Why would you though, when your home ground is Fort Brookie!
- See the term ‘silvertails’ as a compliment rather than an insult
- Hate the fibros, at least we can afford bricks
- Be hated by every other club, yet don’t really give a damn
- 10000% more likely to actually be very manly 🙂
Cronulla Sharks Fans – Can’t help but relive memories of Jaws
Most likely to:
- Not hold their breath for their team to win a premiership anytime soon
- Own a panel van
- Have an attitude problem towards women
Wests Tigers Fans – Roaring with pride
Most likely to:
- Disagree with the fact that Benji Marshall is overrated
- Own a pair of Tigers undies
- Support the Collingwood magpies
- Wish Scott Prince had never left because he totally carried their team… as much as they hate to admit it
- Find tv advertising more interesting than their team’s offense
Gold Coast Titans Fans – Cowabunga Dude! Surf’s UP!
Most likely to:
- Use the term Cowabunga
- Worship Scott Prince and Mat Rogers
- Have breathed a collective sigh of relief they weren’t named the Dolphins or something lame like that
- Go to the beach than a football match
- Wish they had chosen the Gladiators as a moniker
- See themselves as Australia’s answer to Miami
- Defend the Tennesee Titans when people bag them out because they have the same mascot
- Have blonde hair & tan skin
New Zealand Warriors Fans – The lone Kiwis in a game of Aussies
Most likely to:
- Have tribal tattoo, or any other form of tattoo and a large collection of body piercings
- Know the haka
- Watch Rugby Union because the All Blacks do better than the Warriors
- Acknowledge their New Zealand heritage, only when the team wins a game
- Be at least double the size of the average person
- Eat “Fush and Chups”
- Scare the s**t out of small children