Louise vs. Parramatta
Woooooot! What time is it? Time to get a watch? Time to get a new joke? No. It is officially rant-o’clock. And it’s Louise vs. the World in a world first installment of Louise vs… And every “Louise vs…” will be accompanied by a picture of me not looking happy jan. This week I get my bitch on against Parramatta.
As I mentioned in my previous post I go to school in the middle of Parramatta, and just in case I didn’t make it clear: I HATE PARRAMATTA. With a passion. I hate everything about it; the Parramatta Eels, Parramatta Station, Parramatta buses, Parramatta Park… The word ‘Parramatta’ itself forges some deep kind of loathing that I didn’t even think was humanly possible.
The Parramatta Eels
I do not like the Parramatta Eels. I cannot even begin to describe the immense dislike I hold for this team. In fact the only time I will cheer for Parramatta is when they are playing the Melbourne Storm, and that is only because they took out Brett Stewart in the 2007 Grand final. I think my hatred of the Parramatta Eels can be attributed to:
- The Hayne Train: No. Just no. If I read one more thing about the Hayne Train in the newspapers or while watching the footy everytime he so much as touches the football I will slap a bitch down. (Unless the word derailed is mentioned as well, in which case it is perfectly fine)
- Jarryd Hayne in general: I’m sorry to any Parramatta fans who may be reading this, but he is by far the most over exposed player in the history of over exposed players. The only time he even becomes remotely likeable is when he is playing State of Origin for NSW… and even then it pains me to cheer for him. I mean sure he is a pretty good player, but in my opinion he doesn’t live up to all the histeria surrounding him (and I would know because he is in my fantasy league team)
- Parramatta fans: Ok, I lie, I don’t hate Parramatta because of the fans, but I do hate the fans because of Parramatta. Now don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends are Parramatta fans… Yet some people don’t know where the line between the love of one’s team and just being an annoying prick is drawn. I am sick of my facebook newsfeed being inundated with hundreds of groups dedicated to telling me that “Parramatta Eels are the Real Premiers of 2009”. No you are not. No no no no no.
Sure, Parramatta Station may not seem like a big deal, but it actually is quite scary for a young human of the female gender. Said scariness increases exponentially when you have to walk there by yourself because all your friends can’t be fucked to walk so catch a state transit bus and your bus pass only gets you on Hillsbus. (It’s a hard life).
If anyone has been to Parramatta Station, you will know that the Underbelly series has nothing on what goes on down here. It is no joke, the crime capitol of Australia… New South Wales… Sydney… Ok so it probably isn’t the crime capitol of anything, but my advice if you ever go there is:
- If you are female, particularly when wearing a private school uniform, do not under any circumstances make the 15min trek from school to the station on your own. Always walk in bunches, preferrably taking up the entire footpath & knocking people out with your bags. If, as I mentioned above, this is not possible, walk behind some buff looking guys, or if you’re really lucky a police officer will walk out of Subway and you can casually stick behind him (read: CLING FOR DEAR LIFE IF NECESSARY)
- If you happen to notice any criminal activity (and lets face it, it’s Parramatta, you will) just avert your gaze and do not draw any attention to it. In my 5 and a half years of walking to Parramatta Station and waiting for my bus there I have seen my fair share of ‘unpleasantness’ and I will admit one particular incident did have me crying with a police officer, but I have survived nevertheless
- Never, ever, ever give your money to the guy that sleeps at the bus stop.
- Have the Parramatta Police Station on speed dial like I do. Although everyone knows that Parramatta is so dodgy you are guaranteed to see a dozen or so police officers on any given day. Today alone I saw one K9 car, one cage truck, two police on bicycles, and two just walking around the streets.
Do not associate with people who look like this ↓ They will take your money and maybe subject you to some hektik gabbering. Ew.
I generally spend a good two hours at Parramatta Park every Saturday morning doing my triathlon training, and while there is nothing wrong with Parramatta Park itself (besides the fact that it is in Parramatta), there are a few things about Parramatta Park that get on my nerves and I feel the need to rant about.
Usually my rants are about the stupid people who push their prams in the cycle lane! Or who walk three or more abreast in the cycle lane. In other words, PEOPLE WALKING IN THE CYCLE LANE! There is a special place in hell reserved for people who do this, and it is one of my pet peeves. All too many a time I have been forced to come to a complete stop on my bike (which is quite a challenge when travelling at over 30km/h), get in the way of other, much faster, and usually male cyclists in my attempt to overtake these imbociles, or ride in the car lane which just freaks the shizz outta me.
NEWSFLASH to people using Parramatta Park: There are three lanes. A Pedestrian lane. A Cycle lane. A Car lane. Please use the appropriate one. kthanks.
I also like to rant about the men who run in suits. I am not even joking, every Saturday morning without fail I ride past a little old man wearing a full suit (including shoes). And by suit, I don’t mean trisuit, I don’t even mean birthday suit.. I mean business suit
And this brings my ‘little‘ rant to an end. Of course there will be plenty more to come, and the fact that I live in Parramatta means you can expect to see a ‘Louise vs Parramatta continued’ in the not-to-distant future.
But until then, feel free to vent your feelings about Parramatta, or any other city by leaving a comment. Hell you don’t even have to whinge about a place! You can whinge about anything you like, even me and my extremely prejudiced and politically incorrect blog 🙂