Louise vs. Parramatta

Woooooot! What time is it? Time to get a watch? Time to get a new joke? No. It is officially rant-o’clock. And it’s Louise vs. the World in a world first installment of Louise vs… And every “Louise vs…” will be accompanied by a picture of me not looking happy jan.  This week I get my bitch on against Parramatta.  

Someone obviously mentioned parramatta 😐


As I mentioned in my previous post I go to school in the middle of Parramatta, and just in case I didn’t make it clear: I HATE PARRAMATTA. With a passion. I hate everything about it; the Parramatta Eels, Parramatta Station, Parramatta buses, Parramatta Park… The word ‘Parramatta’ itself forges some deep kind of loathing that I didn’t even think was humanly possible.  

 The Parramatta Eels

Pretty much sums it up.


I do not like the Parramatta Eels. I cannot even begin to describe the immense dislike I hold for this team. In fact the only time I will cheer for Parramatta is when they are playing the Melbourne Storm, and that is only because they took out Brett Stewart in the 2007 Grand final. I think my hatred of the Parramatta Eels can be attributed to:  

  • The Hayne Train: No. Just no. If I read one more thing about the Hayne Train in the newspapers or while watching the footy everytime he so much as touches the football I will slap a bitch down. (Unless the word derailed is mentioned as well, in which case it is perfectly fine)

    This is the Hayne Train I'd like to see


  • Jarryd Hayne in general: I’m sorry to any Parramatta fans who may be reading this, but he is by far the most over exposed player in the history of over exposed players. The only time he even becomes remotely likeable is when he is playing State of Origin for NSW… and even then it pains me to cheer for him. I mean sure he is a pretty good player, but in my opinion he doesn’t live up to all the histeria surrounding him (and I would know because he is in my fantasy league team)
  • Parramatta fans: Ok, I lie, I don’t hate Parramatta because of the fans, but I do hate the fans because of Parramatta. Now don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends are Parramatta fans… Yet some people don’t know where the line between the love of one’s team and just being an annoying prick is drawn. I am sick of my facebook newsfeed being inundated with hundreds of groups dedicated to telling me that “Parramatta Eels are the Real Premiers of 2009”. No you are not. No no no no no.



Parramatta Station

Sure, Parramatta Station may not seem like a big deal, but it actually is quite scary for a young human of the female gender. Said scariness increases exponentially when you have to walk there by yourself because all your friends can’t be fucked to walk so catch a state transit bus and your bus pass only gets you on Hillsbus. (It’s a hard life).  

If anyone has been to Parramatta Station, you will know that the Underbelly series has nothing on what goes on down here. It is no joke, the crime capitol of AustraliaNew South WalesSydney… Ok so it probably isn’t the crime capitol of anything, but my advice if you ever go there is:  

  • If you are female, particularly when wearing a private school uniform, do not under any circumstances make the 15min trek from school to the station on your own. Always walk in bunches, preferrably taking up the entire footpath & knocking people out with your bags. If, as I mentioned above, this is not possible, walk behind some buff looking guys, or if you’re really lucky a police officer will walk out of Subway and you can casually stick behind him (read: CLING FOR DEAR LIFE IF NECESSARY)
  • If you happen to notice any criminal activity (and lets face it, it’s Parramatta, you will) just avert your gaze and do not draw any attention to it. In my 5 and a half years of walking to Parramatta Station and waiting for my bus there I have seen my  fair share of ‘unpleasantness’ and I will admit one particular incident did have me crying with a police officer, but I have survived nevertheless
  • Never, ever, ever give your money to the guy that sleeps at the bus stop.
  • Have the Parramatta Police Station on speed dial like I do. Although everyone knows that Parramatta is so dodgy you are guaranteed to see a dozen or so police officers on any given day. Today alone I saw one K9 car, one cage truck, two police on bicycles, and two just walking around the streets.

Do not associate with people who look like this ↓ They will take your money and maybe subject you to some hektik gabbering. Ew.


Parramatta Park

I generally spend a good two hours at Parramatta Park every Saturday morning doing my triathlon training, and while there is nothing wrong with Parramatta Park itself (besides the fact that it is in Parramatta), there are a few things about Parramatta Park that get on my nerves and I feel the need to rant about. 

Usually my rants are about the stupid people who push their prams in the cycle lane! Or who walk three or more abreast in the cycle lane. In other words, PEOPLE WALKING IN THE CYCLE LANE! There is a special place in hell reserved for people who do this, and it is one of my pet peeves. All too many a time I have been forced to come to a complete stop on my bike (which is quite a challenge when travelling at over 30km/h), get in the way of other, much faster, and usually male cyclists in my attempt to overtake these imbociles, or ride in the car lane which just freaks the shizz outta me. 

NEWSFLASH to people using Parramatta Park: There are three lanes. A Pedestrian lane. A Cycle lane. A Car lane. Please use the appropriate one. kthanks. 

Bike lanes are for bikes.

I also like to rant about the men who run in suits. I am not even joking, every Saturday morning without fail I ride past a little old man wearing a full suit (including shoes). And by suit, I don’t mean trisuit, I don’t even mean birthday suit.. I mean business suit 

Minus the briefcase


And this brings my ‘little‘ rant to an end. Of course there will be plenty more to come, and the fact that I live in Parramatta means you can expect to see a ‘Louise vs Parramatta continued’ in the not-to-distant future. 

But until then, feel free to vent your feelings about Parramatta, or any other city by leaving a comment. Hell you don’t even have to whinge about a place! You can whinge about anything you like, even me and my extremely prejudiced and politically incorrect blog 🙂 



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  1. * Danielle says:

    oh my god i SO hate the eels because of their fans!
    unlike you my dear louise, i have been going to school in parramatta my entire life, i went to the primary school across the road from our school in fact. if there were ever a team with worst fans please show me now, because i cannot for the life of me think of another team in any sport ever with worse!
    now don’t get me wrong, i too am friends with eels fans, hell i’m related to a bunch, but the thing about the typical eels fan that kills my dog is this; their arrogance, bad sportsmanship and purely annoying tendency to shove their love of team in anyone’s face, even when the eels are at the bottom of the ladder.
    now i know going to high school with that percentage of eels fans compared to the amount of other team supporters expressed in that nifty pie graph from your last post can be hard, but i guarantee you primary school in an even more eels-biased environment is a lot worse. primary schools are always smaller and more concentrated to the area in terms of who you support.
    I happen to support the St George Illawarra Dragons, by default since my family does, which i don’t mind. they were one of the greatest teams ever, operative word were since they haven’t managed to win a premiership in 31 years and always do pretty well during the season but completely choke come finals time. I’m completely fine with this, i freely admit they tend to choke after they achieve a minor premiership.
    Being a Dragons supporter in primary school, i’m pretty sure it was me and one other kid, with the odd bulldogs supporter. and that one kid that still supported the rabbitohs, even when they didn’t exist. we all know what rabbitohs supporters are like. so all in all, there were not many people who did not support the eels, let’s say about 10. my primary school wasn’t the biggest, but it wasn’t that tiny either. there were about 60 kids in each grade. that leaves 50 kids supporting the eels. that’s almost 85% if we’re rounding up.
    if you didn’t go for parramatta you got teased and taunted every time they won, and if they lost you wouldn’t dare go on about it (even though you would be hearing about your own team’s loss for weeks aftwerwards) other than the small mention to watch their faces contort before changing the subject if you didn’t want to get the silence treatment for the rest of the week from all the eels fans, which as we discussed earlier was practically everyone.
    my mum has told me about times when i came home crying because of getting picked on for not supporting the eels. all these things just intensify the hatred for them.
    this hatred has been so deeply embedded into my subconscious that if i’m arranging things in different colours i always specifically make sure blue and yellow are never next to each other. i really do. that is how much i cannot stand them. my subconscious automatically reminds me of what that combination of colours means. i hate the melbourne storm, the sharks, the roosters and the tigers, but hatred for them combined cannot come close to what i feel towards the parramatta eels, purely because of their fans. i feel compelled to clarify who i support. in accordance with that beautiful graphic above, i support the St George Illawarra Dragons and whoever is playing the eels.
    and jarryd hayne doesn’t improve these sentiments.
    we were all happy with what happened to melbourne, i mean that one picture of cameron smith crying is absolutely priceless, but i was especially happy that stories about the melbourne storm have replaced jarryd hayne being on the cover of the sport section every single day. at one point the jarryd hayne craze just got ridiculous. there was a whole story dedicated to the fact that hayne took his baby brother to practice one time. the picture was on the cover of the sport section. not to mention the gratuitous mug shots of him on the cover every other day. i must say that was the highlight of the melbourne storm’s demise. not having to see jarryd hayne’s face anymore.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 1 month ago

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